*Written yesterday morning, starting at nearly 3 a.m.*
A few weeks ago, I had to abruptly say goodbye to Calumet City for good. I won’t go into details on what happened, but let’s just say that it wasn’t how I planned on leaving that suburb.., especially not with Touré, Matt, and Nick. Now, I’m living with family until October or November. If I have to stay longer than that…, then I am gonna go emotionally insane.. to the point of going back into massive depression (Better way to put it then what I was REALLY possibly gonna say).
There are times (Even though this very moment at 3 in the morning… I really need to go back to sleep, but my mind is really scrambled, and I’m crying my eyes out at the moment, due to being homesick out of the blue, and of course.. those freakin OHKO (Abbreviation for One-Hit KO. Fissure, Horn Drill, and Guillotine) moves in Gen 1 Pokémon… ;_; darn childhood fear) where I become really homesick as of lately, and it’s been making me very upset and causing HUGE anxiety. I’m really trying to get past this.. I really am, but it’s hard. Anyway…
These past few weeks have been really emotional and anxiety inducing. I just wanna thank Touré and Matt for helping me deal with this hard time, while at the same time, working on the ultimate plan for the 4 of us. With that said…
To Matt, my little brother: I don’t want you to worry about me, just cause I’ve been dealing with my anxiety all by myself as of lately. I’ve been dealing with it ever since I was a little kid, and now since I actually found other people who suffer from it (Including you) and is actually helping me cope and get through this destructive time (I call it destructive, cause at any moment, I can and will end up with a massive emotional breakdown, and trust me…, you do NOT want to be around me when that happens. If you can find a way to calm me down during that time (A hug or anything (That goes for you to, Nick and Touré!!)…, then by all means, do it). I just want to thank you for all of your help. Please bare with me as you continue to help, care, and support me, and as I do my hardest to recover and get out of my anxiety induced madness of my life. Just like you promise me that things will get better, here’s what I have to say to you: I know you’ve been dealing with a lot, but I promise you, it will get better.
October and November will be worth it.., we just gotta continue to hang on as much as we can. Love you little brother. I’ll continue to do my best to rest and take deep breaths for whenever I feel like anxiety is starting to get to me. It won’t be easy, but I will get and become better at it. I’ll always and will continue to help, care, and support you as well, cause you’re my baby brother, and just like with Touré and Nick, I’ll always be there for you.
To Touré, my soulmate: Things will get better for the both of us. Continue to do your best at work, and your streaming, and you’ll get to your dreams in no time . Even though I’m dealing with the worst of it all (Anxiety included almost the past three weeks), I’m not gonna stop with the ultimate plan. This setback won’t stop me. I refuse to let it stop me, at all cost.
I’m slowly starting to get back to my old set, but it will take some months to fully get back there. Even after October and November, it might take me some months to get back to my old self, if not, an entirely different me. Just like with Matt and Nick, I won’t give up on them or you with becoming stronger.
We all got this, no matter what. We all gotta stick together through this horrid time, no matter what it takes. Even after that’s over, we’ll continue to look out for each other, cause you know why? We’re family. Love you babe… continue to stay strong.
To Nick, my other little brother: I know you’re trying your hardest to get where you want to be, but you’ll get through this. The four of us will do so. Keep continuing to push through this hard time, and with your streaming, and I promise you (Just like I told Matt and Touré), things will get better. I’m starting to slowly dig my way out of my anxiety induced madness, and even though it’s hard right now to get out of it, I won’t stop until I have gotten myself out of it. I’ll get better within time… I promise. Love you little bro. Stay strong. I’ll do the same…
Not only for you, Touré, and Matt…,
…but for myself.