Massive Anxiety and Homesickness: The Ultimate Turning Point

*Written yesterday morning, starting at nearly 3 a.m.*

A few weeks ago, I had to abruptly say goodbye to Calumet City for good. I won’t go into details on what happened, but let’s just say that it wasn’t how I planned on leaving that suburb.., especially not with Touré, Matt, and Nick. Now, I’m living with family until October or November. If I have to stay longer than that…, then I am gonna go emotionally insane.. to the point of going back into massive depression (Better way to put it then what I was REALLY possibly gonna say).

There are times (Even though this very moment at 3 in the morning… I really need to go back to sleep, but my mind is really scrambled, and I’m crying my eyes out at the moment, due to being homesick out of the blue, and of course.. those freakin OHKO (Abbreviation for One-Hit KO. Fissure, Horn Drill, and Guillotine) moves in Gen 1 Pokémon… ;_; darn childhood fear) where I become really homesick as of lately, and it’s been making me very upset and causing HUGE anxiety. I’m really trying to get past this.. I really am, but it’s hard. Anyway…

These past few weeks have been really emotional and anxiety inducing. I just wanna thank Touré and Matt for helping me deal with this hard time, while at the same time, working on the ultimate plan for the 4 of us. With that said…

To Matt, my little brother: I don’t want you to worry about me, just cause I’ve been dealing with my anxiety all by myself as of lately. I’ve been dealing with it ever since I was a little kid, and now since I actually found other people who suffer from it (Including you) and is actually helping me cope and get through this destructive time (I call it destructive, cause at any moment, I can and will end up with a massive emotional breakdown, and trust me…, you do NOT want to be around me when that happens. If you can find a way to calm me down during that time (A hug or anything (That goes for you to, Nick and Touré!!)…, then by all means, do it). I just want to thank you for all of your help. Please bare with me as you continue to help, care, and support me, and as I do my hardest to recover and get out of my anxiety induced madness of my life. Just like you promise me that things will get better, here’s what I have to say to you: I know you’ve been dealing with a lot, but I promise you, it will get better.

October and November will be worth it.., we just gotta continue to hang on as much as we can. Love you little brother. I’ll continue to do my best to rest and take deep breaths for whenever I feel like anxiety is starting to get to me. It won’t be easy, but I will get and become better at it. I’ll always and will continue to help, care, and support you as well, cause you’re my baby brother, and just like with Touré and Nick, I’ll always be there for you.

To Touré, my soulmate: Things will get better for the both of us. Continue to do your best at work, and your streaming, and you’ll get to your dreams in no time . Even though I’m dealing with the worst of it all (Anxiety included almost the past three weeks), I’m not gonna stop with the ultimate plan. This setback won’t stop me. I refuse to let it stop me, at all cost.

I’m slowly starting to get back to my old set, but it will take some months to fully get back there. Even after October and November, it might take me some months to get back to my old self, if not, an entirely different me. Just like with Matt and Nick, I won’t give up on them or you with becoming stronger.

We all got this, no matter what. We all gotta stick together through this horrid time, no matter what it takes. Even after that’s over, we’ll continue to look out for each other, cause you know why? We’re family. Love you babe… continue to stay strong.

To Nick, my other little brother: I know you’re trying your hardest to get where you want to be, but you’ll get through this. The four of us will do so. Keep continuing to push through this hard time, and with your streaming, and I promise you (Just like I told Matt and Touré), things will get better. I’m starting to slowly dig my way out of my anxiety induced madness, and even though it’s hard right now to get out of it, I won’t stop until I have gotten myself out of it. I’ll get better within time… I promise. Love you little bro. Stay strong. I’ll do the same…

Not only for you, Touré, and Matt…,

…but for myself.

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Crazy 2018 Update: Deaths, Parades, and More

*A few weeks ago…  it was the best day of our lives, despite Matt having a family emergency. Also, this is one of a few times you see me without my glasses.*

*January was awesome and saddening. Despite the death of my grandfather, my little brother Matt and I (Along with our brothers, Josh and Steve) met X-Pac!! He was very cool!*

*During the weekend of Black Panther last month. Wakanda forever!*

*Touré and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary this summer. 3 years and going strong*

Okay, first off.. I just wanna say, happy 2018… well, kinda happy 2018.. for me, it is. Also, happy belated Chinese New Year (The year of the dog!). My little brother and I went to check out the festival in Chinatown (We’re going there more often!). I’m kinda excited about what 2018 has in store for me, my baby, and my brothers. At the same time, however… I really don’t wanna think about it. Without further ado, here’s what has been going on ever since my last blog post (Which has been a long time, so sorry for the very long update. Been extremely busy with work and other family matters, of course).

January: What started out as a very good month (With me, Josh, Matt, Lawrence, and Steve going to Duffy’s to see Royal Rumble and to meet X-Pac), turned out to become very tragic. On January 18th, I found out that my grandfather passed away, due to cardiac arrest. It was a shocking blow to the family. I tried to become strong (Mostly succeeded, but kinda stumbled back at times. Touré  and Matt (..and my family at my job and church) helped me get through it. Thanks guys!!), but hey… I done it. Also, this month has helped me become closer to my little brother, Matt. Our bond has been strong before, but now.. it’s becoming a lot stronger, and I’m grateful for it.

*Just little ol me. I decided to have my birthday party here, since Survivor Series will be on what else? My birthday. There’s gonna be a little surprise on that day as well. Stay tuned!*

*Lawrence, Steve, Josh, Matt, and I*

*Josh, Matt, and I*

*Steve, Matt, and Josh*

*One big sibling photo—ahh, photobomb, lol!!*

February: Last month was okay, except for the fact that the gang and I went to go see Black Panther! I also got to see Touré, Nick, and one of their brothers. It was fun! Also, it was one of the best months ever thus far.. Matt and I went to go to Chinatown for the Chinese New Year parade. Even though we missed the big parade, we actually caught a little treat during the after parade. Being part Chinese, this is the most exciting day that I always end up looking forward to.

*Wakanda forever!!*

*One of 3 favorite little brothers*

*Little brother*

*People who seen the movie decided to take a pose to show their love to the movie.*

*Matt and I in Chinatown. It was so awesome!*

*The people disguised as dragons go into shops as a symbol of good luck within the year.*

*Dragon dance*

*A shot of downtown*

*Gift shop*

*Heading out of Starbucks*

*Lanterns. Also, the other side of Chinatown*

*We’re crazy, and we love it like that!*

*My outfit. In China, red symbolizes good luck.*

*Yea, we’re totally crazy when we feel like it. When we’re not acting crazy…*

*We’re just your average, awesome siblings (Not related by blood, however. I wish, so, but hey… close enough. Best day ever.*

March: Already this month has been nothing, but a mix of good and bad.., but mostly bad, so far. Good: I finally got my iPod Touch! Yea, my iPod Nano got defective again, so it was time for an upgrade. It is so awesome! Bad: I’m moving into a new suburb…, but it’s not the reason that I wanted. There has been a situation that happened today (Not gonna say, due to personal issues), so for now…, I’m temporary staying in said suburb. It won’t be long though… I’ll have my own space soon. Just gotta take things one step at a time…

One step at time. Just gotta keep my faith up, and keep on moving.

Chapter 28: Weekend Bash

Four days ago, I reached the next chapter in my life: Chapter 28. It was amazing, despite the weather being rainy and stressed out early in the day. Anyway, Saturday was my actual birthday, and to me… the most boring part was just to wait on a certain time to get my birthday dinner started (Touré being there made it less boring, but waiting for the time to pass by was just ever-so-boring!!).

Later in the afternoon, we gathered up with one of our brothers to Applebee’s. It was pretty good, but the really fun part started as soon as we left. We decided to meet up with the others at Galloping Ghost Arcade (Almost everyone didn’t show up until a little after 8, due to last minute changes).

I decided to go there for once, cause it was a time for a change.

They actually have 500+ games now, and the raised the entry fee price (Not by much, however).

My darling soulmate

My brother Darius and I

More classic games!!

They have the interactive games up and running now

Next time, I’ll try these games. They look pretty cool

Touré and I 🙂

Another shooter game.. I’m a huge fan of these games! I also played Deathsmiles, Nemesis, Gradius II and III.

This is a new game.. I can’t wait to play it next time I come here!

I actually played this game. It was so fun.. they actually have it in 2D and 3D. I decided to go for 3D this time.. man, was it fun!

3D glasses

Once Josh came, then the party started going crazy!! He and Touré were playing Pong.. or should I say, “Ghost Pong”!! *Thank you AVGN!!*

Josh and Darius playing Sailor Moon.. which I didn’t even know about it until I came round to see them play

The last part was a HUGE surprise: Not only did me and Touré’s sister Shirley came (One with the grey scarf, right next to me), but our other sister Stanesha (Behind me) and our brother Nick (Tallest one in the back) came as a surprise!! I was in tears (On the inside).. that made the surprise party so awesome!! I hope next year will be as awesome as this year!!

*Ahem* now onto the next day: The day after my birthday was just another usual day.. I went to church, got home, ate, and decided to wait until a few hours later to meet up with Josh and my other brother Matt for this awesome WWE Survivor Series bash in Chicago. Once we all met up, we decided to carpool and head to Lincoln Park to this bar and grill.

Hello Lake Shore Drive.. I’m back (Sadly not yesterday when I turned 28, but still.. I’ll accept it).

Matt, Steve, Rachel, and Josh, and I

If you’re wondering where we were having the party, it was at Duffy’s Bar and Grille. It was very awesome! I hope to go there again! If you ever get a chance to go to Lincoln Park, I highly recommend Duffy’s Bar and Grille. Side note: You’ll have to be 21+ to enter.

The food was really good!

Fu.. sion.. HA!! Lol DBZ reference.

Anyway, this weekend bash was just totally awesome.. better than last year’s (Although last year was pretty good as well). What will chapter 28 bring for me this and next year?

Well… we should see. For now, I’ll just enjoy it.. one day at a time.

To Chinatown, and Beyond!

I really want to go to Chinatown again, and this time.. explore more of it with friends! The place is beyond amazing! Before I jump ahead to it, here’s what happened before the trip to Chinatown took place:

Today, my childhood friend Crystal and I decided to head to Chicago to attend the City Church of Chicago. The last service started at 5, but since we got there hours early, we decided to go to Whole Foods Market to try out a few foods. We first went to the one downtown, and tried some Mochi (Japanese ice cream). I gotta admit, it tasted weird at first (She also said the same thing as well), but it was very good! I had chocolate, she had red bean.

Afterwards, we decided to go to another Whole Foods Market, this time.. in Lincoln Park (Shown above). This one has an arcade, and a bar!

Sweets, sweets, and more sweets.. they’re expensive, but hey.. they’re good!

Macaroons! We never have them before, but they are indeed good. Crystal had the raspberry flavor, and I had espresso (It was right next to the raspberry macaroon.. and I didn’t know about it! Surprisingly though, it didn’t taste like coffee. It tastes like chocolate).

Wine corks

I LOVE Mochi!

This is the arcade. They have classic games from Galaga to Dig Dug, and modern games from Street Fighter to Metal Slug (They have Metal Slug 1-6 here, yay)!

I wanted to play Metal Slug 3, but I accidently chose Metal Slug 4. Still… it was fun to play!

Crystal and I. We had a blast at the store! Next stop: Chinatown.

Chinatown

I seriously know where I want to go for my birthday this year! They have a karaoke bar here!!

One part of Chinatown. It is amazing here!

I really, really, SERIOUSLY LOVE and WANT these dresses!! There’s a clothing place there that has more of these dresses! When I have the money, I’ll buy one!

This is the store that had the dresses.. and other stuff, like books and such. We also went to a candy store before heading to evening church. Church was pretty cool.

Anyway, I can’t wait to go to Chinatown again! Hopefully before my birthday, so I can get a dress for my birthday outfit.. and again, for my 28th birthday.

Morris Ceurrlo Conference

*Me, waiting for the other choir members to get on board*

Yesterday and last night was just wonderful! The choir and I went to see Morris Ceurrlo and other special guest from different countries and cities speak live at his conference in Rosemont. Let’s just say that I couldn’t wait to go to Rosemont again! I haven’t been there in a few years! I also can’t wait to go there next year with my babe and brothers!

So I went to the church with my childhood friend (We were actually early, cause we got there at bout 4:30-4:45. The bus didn’t come until bout 5:15-ish. Once it came, we all got on board. The bus was just amazing! These are the seats, by the way. So luxurious!

They have tables and seat belts! 😀

Miss Sheryl  actually wanted all of us to check out the menu from Giordano’s after we leave the conference. I never had it before, but it was kinda expensive.

Crystal and I. We’ve been friends since grade school. 🙂

Anyway, as soon as everyone got on board, we were off. Destination: Rosemont is a GO! 😀

While we were on the road, we decided to warm up and prepare for the conference by singing a few songs (Yea, we were singing there. It was unbelievable.. almost EVERYONE there stood up when we sang Lord You’re Holy and What A Beautiful Name. A few were on their knees, praising Jesus and just crying. It was wonderful).

Lol funny board ad.

You know you are close to the airport when you see the airplanes flying a short while after they took off. This was near O’Hare Airport, by the way.

If you’re traveling to Illinois, I recommend going to Rosemont.. it’s a nice place, and there’s TONS of hotels and restaurants here.

DoubleTree and Crowne Plaza hotel

We made it to our destination: The Hyatt Regency O’Hare hotel.  I actually stayed in there before for ACEN (Anime Convention) a few years ago. It is a very nice hotel.

Conference schedule and special guest speakers. Our pastor, Steve Munsey, was one of the guest speakers.

Before the choir got on stage to sing, we decided to look around and check out some stuff.

After our performance, we took a peek at some stuff, from Israel, and other countries.

“Jesus, you are great. You do miracles. So great”.

We actually had a chance to hear Morris Ceurrlo and one of the speakers, John Francis, speak. It was a wonderful experience.

After we left, we went to Giordano’s.

We sat on the balcony, but it was chilly. Sadly, we didn’t stay long, and decided to head someplace else to eat.

We stopped at a ton of restaurants. Some went to Culver’s, others went to Steak and Shake. Raquel, Ebony, Shani, Crystal, and I decided to try this pizza place called Little Angelo’s. The food was great! I highly recommend trying their food out, especially the pizza! A few of the youth praisers went there as well, so it was indeed fun!

After we ate , we went to Cold Stone Creamery. Being my very first time here, their ice cream is yummy, but kinda expensive.

I had this: Confetti Cupcake ice cream. It was too yummy!

Last picture: Me and the girls before we went back to the bus to head home. I had a blast with them!

After we had our fill with food and ice cream, the choir and I went back home. We didn’t leave Rosemont until close to 11:15-11:30-ish. Everyone was tuckered out. Most of them went to sleep on the way back. I gotta admit, the ride back home was soothing. I almost dozed off a few times. Raquel, Ebony, Shani, Crystal, and I didn’t get back home until close to 12:30-12:45. All in all, I had a blast. The conference was wonderful, and the trip was amazing!

What an amazing day to start off September.

Otaku Hobbies

A few weeks ago, I actually went to this comic book store called Otaku Hobbies in Indiana. Let’s just say that I would highly recommend going there again. In fact, there’s a huge event going on between September 8-10, so if you’re an anime, video game fan, or just love comic books in general, I highly suggest you go check it out!

I actually went with one of my best friends, and it started to rain once we got there.

Toon Link, Link, Zero Suit Samus, and Samus Amiibo (That Samus Amiibo is one of rare ones, so I ended up grabbing it. I’ve been wanting it for the longest!!)

I wanted to get Touré this Reaper figurine, since that’s one of his favorite characters from Overwatch. I couldn’t though, cause it was so gosh darn expensive… sadness. 😦

I also wanted this Chun Li figurine too, since she’s one of my favorite characters from the Street Fighter games. Maybe next time…

Ken figurine!!

*Insert how bad I want this…*

Pokémon trading cards!! I need to start collecting them again.. I haven’t done so since I was a kid…

My best friend and I wanted this poster so bad.., but it wasn’t for sale. Double sadness… 😦

Anyway, I had a blast at that store! The only reason why I didn’t do a post of this sooner, was cause I’ve been going through some stuff, and dealing with my chronic anxiety for the past few weeks. I also had a few anxiety attacks a few days ago, which is why I haven’t been blogging on here and my other ones as usual. However, I have found new ways of dealing and overcoming anxiety, so that will be on the next blog post.

Easter (Resurrection) Sunday 2017

Churches are usually packed every Easter Sunday, or Resurrection Sunday.

It’s so wonderful to see the young and old come together during Easter Sunday. Also, babies and children in their Easter suits and dresses… too adorable!

The choir has the day off, but not the praise and worship singers. Somehow I got to be seated in the front, on the side.. which is pretty cool!

It was so packed, that they had to make room in the gym.

You can’t really see the pastor, but he was up there at the cross, preaching today’s lesson.

It is time for the Passover offering.

The end of the service. They actually had the virtual choir up there, which was pretty cool as well!

*A few extra photos*

Angel and her husband

AunaLisa and I (With Natalie ‘photobombing’ in the background, lol)

Sparta Dome, located in Crown Point, Indiana. We were in there for a Easter Sunday video shoot the following last Tuesday.

Tiny drone

Setting up for the video shoot. Overall, the shoot was a success, and it was featured in yesterday and today’s service. Hopefully everyone’s Easter is going good so far, and that the children are finding all of Easter eggs!

Don’t eat too much candy though, or you’ll end up with an upset tummy.

Scotty and Ashley’s Baby Shower

Monday was a total blast. Not only did I had fun at my friends’ baby shower, but I also made a few friends… and became twins with the expectant new Mum!

Gifts for baby Ryker.. from Touré and I. Sadly he couldn’t make it that day, but he was with us in spirit. Also, Scotty and Ashley are having a boy. His name is gonna be Ryker (I seriously want to nickname him  Ryker Stryker, cause of that…).

The food was great.

It was located at Veteran’s Park, bout… 5-7 mins from my house.

I seriously can’t wait until baby Ryker gets here.. I’m gonna be an awesome Godaunt… or Godmom.. or whatnot.

My new friends goofing around

..and now I present to you: A few of tons of presents for baby Ryker:

‘Straight outta mommy’.

*I’m the boss*

‘That’s it! I’m texting Grandma!’

I would’ve had more pictures of the gifts, but my phone died in the process… boo. 😦

Scotty, Ashley (Holding the balloons), and their family

My new best friend (..and twin sister) Ashley and I. Funny thing is, her first name is my middle name! Also, another awesome thing is: When we first met, we instantly clicked! How cool is that?!

Now a few photos that Scotty took:

Ash and I

We actually do look alike.. even Scotty and my coworker Rhonda told me the exact same thing. I’m too excited!

Final picture: Cat and Ash.

I just wished Monday would’ve been slower…, but it’s okay. I’ll see them again soon (..and making sure that Touré’s there too to meet them). I’m still excited to meet little Ryker next month.

Now time to patiently await for the arrival of my Godson.. or, Godnephew.

My First Wedding Shower

Before I begin, I would like to say something: Daylight Savings Time is finally here (Unless you’re in Arizona, of course). We ‘spring forward’ one hour, which means we lose one hour of sleep and so on. Hey, at least the good news is that it stays lighter, longer.

Anyway, Saturday was a day to remember. I went to my first wedding shower, and let me just say.. it was awesome, especially when the soon-to-be bride and groom, their friends, family, and I were cleaning up the mess after it was over. I gotta say, it was too funny.

These were the gifts I brought them. They really liked it.

Inside the community center where they had their wedding party.

We played a few games, including this one, the Don’t Say ________ game, and the ‘Mewlywed game’, which is like the Newlywed game, but without the newlyweds and stuff.

Save the date!

When I got there, it was only a few gifts on that table. At the end, it was a bunch. Let’s just say that I can’t wait until Touré and I have our own wedding shower!

The soon-to-be bride and groom, AunaLisa and Russell. Fun fact: They’re actually worship members of the choir that I’m in. Also, one of the choir members made the fruit cake tower.

The Don’t Say _______ game.

Closer look at the fruit cake tower

Me

After the party, when we all cleaned up and had a lot of good laughs doing so. Also, the soon-to-be bride and groom and their friends. Congrats to them on their soon-to-be wedding! I look forward to attending there!

A Night Out In Chicago: Emporium Arcade Bar

A few weeks ago, I went to a Royal Rumble event with Touré and my other buddies at this place called Emporium Arcade Bar. Let’s just say that I had a blast, since this was my very first time going to a place that has not only a bar, but also an arcade.

We were watching the Royal Rumble in this spot. Despite the buffering and disconnections, it was very good. The people were nice and friendly as well.

While Touré, my buddies, and I waited for pizza to arrive, and for the the PPV to start, we decided to go ahead and play some arcade games and pinball. They have mostly old school games, such as Dig Dug (Which I wanted to play soo bad, but couldn’t, cause the machine was out of order), Tetris, Punch Out!, and more!

I was very stoked to see a Metallica pinball machine there! Even though I suck at pinball, it was fun to play, regardless.

They also have a KISS pinball machine as well! Sadly that was out of order, so I couldn’t play it.

Overall, the place was very nice! I’m looking to go there again in the near future.. this time, I will head to the other location (The one we went to that night is in Wicker Park. The other location is in Logan Square. That has a pool table and everything!). If you’re looking for a place to hang out on the North side of Chicago, then I recommend Emporium Arcade Bar. Be prepared though, as you will have to pay for parking. Luckily for us, we didn’t had to pay for parking, cause it was free until January 30th of this year. (We came there on the day before).

By the way, I want to mention that sadly, they don’t serve food there.. only drinks. You are more than welcome to bring your own food and drinks there. Also, if you want more information about the bar and what games and such do they have, here’s the link: http://emporiumchicago.com/