Posted in Family, Friends, Personal, Photography, Relationships, Travel

Massive Anxiety and Homesickness: The Ultimate Turning Point

*Written yesterday morning, starting at nearly 3 a.m.*

A few weeks ago, I had to abruptly say goodbye to Calumet City for good. I won’t go into details on what happened, but let’s just say that it wasn’t how I planned on leaving that suburb.., especially not with Touré, Matt, and Nick. Now, I’m living with family until October or November. If I have to stay longer than that…, then I am gonna go emotionally insane.. to the point of going back into massive depression (Better way to put it then what I was REALLY possibly gonna say).

There are times (Even though this very moment at 3 in the morning… I really need to go back to sleep, but my mind is really scrambled, and I’m crying my eyes out at the moment, due to being homesick out of the blue, and of course.. those freakin OHKO (Abbreviation for One-Hit KO. Fissure, Horn Drill, and Guillotine) moves in Gen 1 Pokémon… ;_; darn childhood fear) where I become really homesick as of lately, and it’s been making me very upset and causing HUGE anxiety. I’m really trying to get past this.. I really am, but it’s hard. Anyway…

These past few weeks have been really emotional and anxiety inducing. I just wanna thank Touré and Matt for helping me deal with this hard time, while at the same time, working on the ultimate plan for the 4 of us. With that said…

To Matt, my little brother: I don’t want you to worry about me, just cause I’ve been dealing with my anxiety all by myself as of lately. I’ve been dealing with it ever since I was a little kid, and now since I actually found other people who suffer from it (Including you) and is actually helping me cope and get through this destructive time (I call it destructive, cause at any moment, I can and will end up with a massive emotional breakdown, and trust me…, you do NOT want to be around me when that happens. If you can find a way to calm me down during that time (A hug or anything (That goes for you to, Nick and Touré!!)…, then by all means, do it). I just want to thank you for all of your help. Please bare with me as you continue to help, care, and support me, and as I do my hardest to recover and get out of my anxiety induced madness of my life. Just like you promise me that things will get better, here’s what I have to say to you: I know you’ve been dealing with a lot, but I promise you, it will get better.

October and November will be worth it.., we just gotta continue to hang on as much as we can. Love you little brother. I’ll continue to do my best to rest and take deep breaths for whenever I feel like anxiety is starting to get to me. It won’t be easy, but I will get and become better at it. I’ll always and will continue to help, care, and support you as well, cause you’re my baby brother, and just like with Touré and Nick, I’ll always be there for you.

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To Touré, my soulmate: Things will get better for the both of us. Continue to do your best at work, and your streaming, and you’ll get to your dreams in no time . Even though I’m dealing with the worst of it all (Anxiety included almost the past three weeks), I’m not gonna stop with the ultimate plan. This setback won’t stop me. I refuse to let it stop me, at all cost.

I’m slowly starting to get back to my old set, but it will take some months to fully get back there. Even after October and November, it might take me some months to get back to my old self, if not, an entirely different me. Just like with Matt and Nick, I won’t give up on them or you with becoming stronger.

We all got this, no matter what. We all gotta stick together through this horrid time, no matter what it takes. Even after that’s over, we’ll continue to look out for each other, cause you know why? We’re family. Love you babe… continue to stay strong.

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To Nick, my other little brother: I know you’re trying your hardest to get where you want to be, but you’ll get through this. The four of us will do so. Keep continuing to push through this hard time, and with your streaming, and I promise you (Just like I told Matt and Touré), things will get better. I’m starting to slowly dig my way out of my anxiety induced madness, and even though it’s hard right now to get out of it, I won’t stop until I have gotten myself out of it. I’ll get better within time… I promise. Love you little bro. Stay strong. I’ll do the same…

Not only for you, Touré, and Matt…,

…but for myself.

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Posted in Events, Family, Fashion, Friends, Holiday, News, Photography, Relationships, Travel

Crazy 2018 Update: Deaths, Parades, and More

20180225_203736*A few weeks ago…  it was the best day of our lives, despite Matt having a family emergency. Also, this is one of a few times you see me without my glasses.*

20180128_190131*January was awesome and saddening. Despite the death of my grandfather, my little brother Matt and I (Along with our brothers, Josh and Steve) met X-Pac!! He was very cool!*

20180219_220115*During the weekend of Black Panther last month. Wakanda forever!*

20180224_155415*Touré and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary this summer. 3 years and going strong*

Okay, first off.. I just wanna say, happy 2018… well, kinda happy 2018.. for me, it is. Also, happy belated Chinese New Year (The year of the dog!). My little brother and I went to check out the festival in Chinatown (We’re going there more often!). I’m kinda excited about what 2018 has in store for me, my baby, and my brothers. At the same time, however… I really don’t wanna think about it. Without further ado, here’s what has been going on ever since my last blog post (Which has been a long time, so sorry for the very long update. Been extremely busy with work and other family matters, of course).

January: What started out as a very good month (With me, Josh, Matt, Lawrence, and Steve going to Duffy’s to see Royal Rumble and to meet X-Pac), turned out to become very tragic. On January 18th, I found out that my grandfather passed away, due to cardiac arrest. It was a shocking blow to the family. I tried to become strong (Mostly succeeded, but kinda stumbled back at times. Touré  and Matt (..and my family at my job and church) helped me get through it. Thanks guys!!), but hey… I done it. Also, this month has helped me become closer to my little brother, Matt. Our bond has been strong before, but now.. it’s becoming a lot stronger, and I’m grateful for it.

20180128_221744*Just little ol me. I decided to have my birthday party here, since Survivor Series will be on what else? My birthday. There’s gonna be a little surprise on that day as well. Stay tuned!*

20180128_180001*Lawrence, Steve, Josh, Matt, and I*

20180128_183600*Josh, Matt, and I*

20180128_221932*Steve, Matt, and Josh*

20180128_222102*One big sibling photo—ahh, photobomb, lol!!*

February: Last month was okay, except for the fact that the gang and I went to go see Black Panther! I also got to see Touré, Nick, and one of their brothers. It was fun! Also, it was one of the best months ever thus far.. Matt and I went to go to Chinatown for the Chinese New Year parade. Even though we missed the big parade, we actually caught a little treat during the after parade. Being part Chinese, this is the most exciting day that I always end up looking forward to.

20180219_214720*Wakanda forever!!*

20180219_215240*One of 3 favorite little brothers*

20180219_215033*Little brother*

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20180219_215924*People who seen the movie decided to take a pose to show their love to the movie.*

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20180225_171226*Matt and I in Chinatown. It was so awesome!*

20180225_163300*The people disguised as dragons go into shops as a symbol of good luck within the year.*

20180225_163324 *Dragon dance*

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20180225_163805*A shot of downtown*

20180225_164128*Gift shop*

20180225_172703*Heading out of Starbucks*

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20180225_173251*Lanterns. Also, the other side of Chinatown*

20180225_173319*We’re crazy, and we love it like that!*

20180225_173415*My outfit. In China, red symbolizes good luck.*

20180225_173439*Yea, we’re totally crazy when we feel like it. When we’re not acting crazy…*

20180225_173508*We’re just your average, awesome siblings (Not related by blood, however. I wish, so, but hey… close enough. Best day ever.*

March: Already this month has been nothing, but a mix of good and bad.., but mostly bad, so far. Good: I finally got my iPod Touch! Yea, my iPod Nano got defective again, so it was time for an upgrade. It is so awesome! Bad: I’m moving into a new suburb…, but it’s not the reason that I wanted. There has been a situation that happened today (Not gonna say, due to personal issues), so for now…, I’m temporary staying in said suburb. It won’t be long though… I’ll have my own space soon. Just gotta take things one step at a time…

One step at time. Just gotta keep my faith up, and keep on moving.

Posted in Events, Family, Food, Friends, Games, Personal, Photography, Relationships, Travel

Chapter 28: Weekend Bash

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Four days ago, I reached the next chapter in my life: Chapter 28. It was amazing, despite the weather being rainy and stressed out early in the day. Anyway, Saturday was my actual birthday, and to me… the most boring part was just to wait on a certain time to get my birthday dinner started (Touré being there made it less boring, but waiting for the time to pass by was just ever-so-boring!!).

Later in the afternoon, we gathered up with one of our brothers to Applebee’s. It was pretty good, but the really fun part started as soon as we left. We decided to meet up with the others at Galloping Ghost Arcade (Almost everyone didn’t show up until a little after 8, due to last minute changes).

20171118_181525I decided to go there for once, cause it was a time for a change.

20171118_182454They actually have 500+ games now, and the raised the entry fee price (Not by much, however).

20171118_182733My darling soulmate

20171118_182756My brother Darius and I

20171118_183032More classic games!!

20171118_185317They have the interactive games up and running now

20171118_185325Next time, I’ll try these games. They look pretty cool

20171118_191328Touré and I 🙂

20171118_191416Another shooter game.. I’m a huge fan of these games! I also played Deathsmiles, Nemesis, Gradius II and III.

20171118_202919This is a new game.. I can’t wait to play it next time I come here!

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20171118_211300I actually played this game. It was so fun.. they actually have it in 2D and 3D. I decided to go for 3D this time.. man, was it fun!

20171118_2142593D glasses

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20171118_211447Once Josh came, then the party started going crazy!! He and Touré were playing Pong.. or should I say, “Ghost Pong”!! *Thank you AVGN!!*

20171118_214122Josh and Darius playing Sailor Moon.. which I didn’t even know about it until I came round to see them play

20171118_222819The last part was a HUGE surprise: Not only did me and Touré’s sister Shirley came (One with the grey scarf, right next to me), but our other sister Stanesha (Behind me) and our brother Nick (Tallest one in the back) came as a surprise!! I was in tears (On the inside).. that made the surprise party so awesome!! I hope next year will be as awesome as this year!!

*Ahem* now onto the next day: The day after my birthday was just another usual day.. I went to church, got home, ate, and decided to wait until a few hours later to meet up with Josh and my other brother Matt for this awesome WWE Survivor Series bash in Chicago. Once we all met up, we decided to carpool and head to Lincoln Park to this bar and grill.

20171119_170138Hello Lake Shore Drive.. I’m back (Sadly not yesterday when I turned 28, but still.. I’ll accept it).

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20171119_172547Matt, Steve, Rachel, and Josh, and I

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20171119_183831If you’re wondering where we were having the party, it was at Duffy’s Bar and Grille. It was very awesome! I hope to go there again! If you ever get a chance to go to Lincoln Park, I highly recommend Duffy’s Bar and Grille. Side note: You’ll have to be 21+ to enter.

20171119_184411The food was really good!

20171119_193531Fu.. sion.. HA!! Lol DBZ reference.

Anyway, this weekend bash was just totally awesome.. better than last year’s (Although last year was pretty good as well). What will chapter 28 bring for me this and next year?

Well… we should see. For now, I’ll just enjoy it.. one day at a time.

Posted in Business, Events, Family, Food, Friends, Music, Personal, Photography, Travel

Morris Ceurrlo Conference

20170901_172130*Me, waiting for the other choir members to get on board*

Yesterday and last night was just wonderful! The choir and I went to see Morris Ceurrlo and other special guest from different countries and cities speak live at his conference in Rosemont. Let’s just say that I couldn’t wait to go to Rosemont again! I haven’t been there in a few years! I also can’t wait to go there next year with my babe and brothers!

20170901_171608So I went to the church with my childhood friend (We were actually early, cause we got there at bout 4:30-4:45. The bus didn’t come until bout 5:15-ish. Once it came, we all got on board. The bus was just amazing! These are the seats, by the way. So luxurious!

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20170901_171727They have tables and seat belts! 😀

20170901_172002Miss Sheryl  actually wanted all of us to check out the menu from Giordano’s after we leave the conference. I never had it before, but it was kinda expensive.

20170901_172229Crystal and I. We’ve been friends since grade school. 🙂

Anyway, as soon as everyone got on board, we were off. Destination: Rosemont is a GO! 😀

20170901_183340While we were on the road, we decided to warm up and prepare for the conference by singing a few songs (Yea, we were singing there. It was unbelievable.. almost EVERYONE there stood up when we sang Lord You’re Holy and What A Beautiful Name. A few were on their knees, praising Jesus and just crying. It was wonderful).

20170901_183751Lol funny board ad.

20170901_184106You know you are close to the airport when you see the airplanes flying a short while after they took off. This was near O’Hare Airport, by the way.

20170901_184234If you’re traveling to Illinois, I recommend going to Rosemont.. it’s a nice place, and there’s TONS of hotels and restaurants here.

20170901_184321DoubleTree and Crowne Plaza hotel

20170901_184523We made it to our destination: The Hyatt Regency O’Hare hotel.  I actually stayed in there before for ACEN (Anime Convention) a few years ago. It is a very nice hotel.

20170901_185516Conference schedule and special guest speakers. Our pastor, Steve Munsey, was one of the guest speakers.

20170901_185716Before the choir got on stage to sing, we decided to look around and check out some stuff.

20170901_193853After our performance, we took a peek at some stuff, from Israel, and other countries.

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20170901_194135“Jesus, you are great. You do miracles. So great”.

20170901_194927We actually had a chance to hear Morris Ceurrlo and one of the speakers, John Francis, speak. It was a wonderful experience.

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20170901_214158After we left, we went to Giordano’s.

20170901_214621We sat on the balcony, but it was chilly. Sadly, we didn’t stay long, and decided to head someplace else to eat.

20170901_220118We stopped at a ton of restaurants. Some went to Culver’s, others went to Steak and Shake. Raquel, Ebony, Shani, Crystal, and I decided to try this pizza place called Little Angelo’s. The food was great! I highly recommend trying their food out, especially the pizza! A few of the youth praisers went there as well, so it was indeed fun!

20170901_225415After we ate , we went to Cold Stone Creamery. Being my very first time here, their ice cream is yummy, but kinda expensive.

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20170901_225546I had this: Confetti Cupcake ice cream. It was too yummy!

20170901_230147Last picture: Me and the girls before we went back to the bus to head home. I had a blast with them!

After we had our fill with food and ice cream, the choir and I went back home. We didn’t leave Rosemont until close to 11:15-11:30-ish. Everyone was tuckered out. Most of them went to sleep on the way back. I gotta admit, the ride back home was soothing. I almost dozed off a few times. Raquel, Ebony, Shani, Crystal, and I didn’t get back home until close to 12:30-12:45. All in all, I had a blast. The conference was wonderful, and the trip was amazing!

What an amazing day to start off September.

Posted in Events, Family, Fashion, Friends, Holiday, Photography, Travel

Easter (Resurrection) Sunday 2017

20170416_101937Churches are usually packed every Easter Sunday, or Resurrection Sunday.

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20170416_102830It’s so wonderful to see the young and old come together during Easter Sunday. Also, babies and children in their Easter suits and dresses… too adorable!

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20170416_103353The choir has the day off, but not the praise and worship singers. Somehow I got to be seated in the front, on the side.. which is pretty cool!

20170416_103359It was so packed, that they had to make room in the gym.

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20170416_111254You can’t really see the pastor, but he was up there at the cross, preaching today’s lesson.

20170416_112836It is time for the Passover offering.

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20170416_115507The end of the service. They actually had the virtual choir up there, which was pretty cool as well!

*A few extra photos*

20170416_120209Angel and her husband

20170416_120622AunaLisa and I (With Natalie ‘photobombing’ in the background, lol)

20170404_184910Sparta Dome, located in Crown Point, Indiana. We were in there for a Easter Sunday video shoot the following last Tuesday.

20170404_185954Tiny drone

20170404_190155Setting up for the video shoot. Overall, the shoot was a success, and it was featured in yesterday and today’s service. Hopefully everyone’s Easter is going good so far, and that the children are finding all of Easter eggs!

Don’t eat too much candy though, or you’ll end up with an upset tummy.

Posted in Family, Food, Photography, Travel

Texas Roadhouse

20170401_150531I actually went to this new restaurant called Texas Roadhouse with my family. Lemme just say, it’s actually pretty awesome! Note, the one that we went to in Orland Park, they have a lot of peanuts inside the buckets, so if you have a peanut allergy… I recommend staying away.. unless the other locations don’t have peanuts in there.

20170401_152039The food was really good, including the steaks.

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20170401_155312They also have a jukebox there as well.

20170401_160359My soon to be cousin-in-law and I. I actually got my hair done a few Fridays ago, so I’m still trying to get used to having long hair.

Posted in Events, Family, Friends, Photography, Relationships, Travel

Scotty and Ashley’s Baby Shower

Monday was a total blast. Not only did I had fun at my friends’ baby shower, but I also made a few friends… and became twins with the expectant new Mum!

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20170324_125547Gifts for baby Ryker.. from Touré and I. Sadly he couldn’t make it that day, but he was with us in spirit. Also, Scotty and Ashley are having a boy. His name is gonna be Ryker (I seriously want to nickname him  Ryker Stryker, cause of that…).

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20170327_152501The food was great.

20170327_152615It was located at Veteran’s Park, bout… 5-7 mins from my house.

20170327_152740I seriously can’t wait until baby Ryker gets here.. I’m gonna be an awesome Godaunt… or Godmom.. or whatnot.

20170327_154657My new friends goofing around

..and now I present to you: A few of tons of presents for baby Ryker:

20170327_164926‘Straight outta mommy’.

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20170327_16543320170327_165440*I’m the boss*20170327_165453

20170327_16550620170327_16551920170327_16552920170327_165542‘That’s it! I’m texting Grandma!’

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20170327_165614I would’ve had more pictures of the gifts, but my phone died in the process… boo. 😦

20170327_173720Scotty, Ashley (Holding the balloons), and their family

20170327_173746My new best friend (..and twin sister) Ashley and I. Funny thing is, her first name is my middle name! Also, another awesome thing is: When we first met, we instantly clicked! How cool is that?!

Now a few photos that Scotty took:

17553404_1491319877559009_1174992424011746218_nAsh and I

17626114_1491319827559014_6452636234184773207_nWe actually do look alike.. even Scotty and my coworker Rhonda told me the exact same thing. I’m too excited!

17629634_805649479587735_5406782107089260447_nFinal picture: Cat and Ash.

I just wished Monday would’ve been slower…, but it’s okay. I’ll see them again soon (..and making sure that Touré’s there too to meet them). I’m still excited to meet little Ryker next month.

Now time to patiently await for the arrival of my Godson.. or, Godnephew.

Posted in Family, Personal, Relationships

Feeling On The Verge of Failure

What do I have to do in order to overcome this mix of depression and anxiety? What else do I have to do to truly prove to two people that I can stand up for myself? I’m sick and tired of it all. Also, to top it all off…

My anxiety is emerging again. I’m already dealing with a lot of stress, doing my hardest to get my life on track, and to make a better life for Zozo and I. I’m only human, can’t they understand that?

Somedays I just want to move away from it all, and just start all over, and I’m on the verge of doing so… all because I feel like a failure, not only to myself, but to the love of my life. It may seem like I’m not, but it feels like I am.

To my babe, I’m sorry for putting you through this for the past two years. Just at least understand that even though I’ve been doing my hardest to stand up for myself, some people (Like a certain parent) just don’t want to listen. I’m tired of speaking my mind to them. If I have to once again, prove to you that I can stand up for myself (Even if it means cursing both you and the parent out just to get my point across), then so be it. Be warned: It will be the final time I will speak about this. I’m not holding back either.

To the parent, I love you, but this time, it’s my way or the highway. If I have to move out and move on with my babe, or alone… then so be it.

Posted in Events, Family, Fashion, Holiday

Christmas 2016

My Christmas was really wonderful this year. I got some presents from family members and my soulmate, like gift cards, this skirt that my Mum gave me:

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…Games, toys, and more!

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My family came by, and so did my aunt’s pups. In fact, I caught two pictures of Suki, the youngest pup:

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20161225_150949 Somehow when my aunt opened up her gift that my Mum gave her (Which were the slippers), Suki started to chew on them like it was one of her toys. It was funny, nonetheless.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas this year! Thank goodness 2016 is almost over. I wonder what 2017 will bring in store… hopefully something good.

P.S., R.I.P to all of those celebs who died this year, including Carrie Fisher and few others who died a few days ago.

Posted in Events, Family, Food, Friends, Games, Photography, Relationships, Travel

YouTube Gaming Family Meetup

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Sunday, September 18th, 2016.. Brookfield, IL.. this is the day that I will never forget this moment.

Sunday was also the day where I started my very first play at my church: The White Throne Judgment. I was singing in the choir during both days (Saturday and Sunday).. it was really fun. I’m gonna be singing again tomorrow night at 7 p.m.

After the service was over, I decided to pick up my awesome friends, cause one of the YTG (YouTube Gaming) streamers was visiting his family during the week, so we all decide to meet up at this place called Galloping Ghost Arcade.

20160918_161449So many games… and yes, there are about 450 games in all, from the 80’s and early 90’s, and of course.. pinball and Japanese games!!

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20160918_161631There’s a Primal Rage shirt that I wanted so bad…, but it’s for display only.

20160918_162337A little Japanese game that I found

20160918_162342Two of the streamers, Chris Plays Games (The one with the propeller hat) and Kodzo (Playing the third pinball game to the left. Oh, and that’s actually my babe, by the way).

20160918_162736He was so focused on this game.

20160918_163151One of my favorite games: Gradius III: From Legend to Myth. Gradius IV is another fun game to play. They also have Gradius II: The Ambitions of Gofer (Or Gofer’s Ambitions. Either translation is fine).

20160918_163748Of my my brothers was playing DragonBall Z game, since DBZ is his favorite anime.

20160918_164729Afterwards, we went to this place called Tony’s Family Restaurant. They had great food there.

20160918_165834If you’re into retro and modern games, then check out Chris Plays Games! He’s another awesome streamer on YouTube and YTG!

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20160918_171952Food… and lots of it!

20160918_182811So afterwards, we went back to the arcade to play some more games, and did a live stream as well. Oh, and guess what I found.. Tempest!!

20160918_185524The awesome YTG family and my awesome soulmate: Me, (Chris Plays Games (Propeller hat), Narrcost (Star Wars shirt), Kodzo, Yuhi (Zelda hat. She’s 1/3 of the group Good Luck Gamers (GLG)), Son Goshaku (Giving the two thumbs up), Snake, Nicole, and Craig Plays (At the end with the hat. He’s part of the PG gaming family called the Bromingos). Be sure to check all of them out on YouTube and YTG!

20160918_195541Snake, Yuhi, Kodzo, and I were playing this game called F-Zero: AX. It was fun.

20160918_201354My babe and I. We all had a blast that day. 🙂 In fact, we decided to make this an annual event.

So yea, this was the absolute best day ever.. can’t wait to meet more streamers soon!