Posted in Family, Friends, Personal, Photography, Relationships, Travel

Massive Anxiety and Homesickness: The Ultimate Turning Point

*Written yesterday morning, starting at nearly 3 a.m.*

A few weeks ago, I had to abruptly say goodbye to Calumet City for good. I won’t go into details on what happened, but let’s just say that it wasn’t how I planned on leaving that suburb.., especially not with Touré, Matt, and Nick. Now, I’m living with family until October or November. If I have to stay longer than that…, then I am gonna go emotionally insane.. to the point of going back into massive depression (Better way to put it then what I was REALLY possibly gonna say).

There are times (Even though this very moment at 3 in the morning… I really need to go back to sleep, but my mind is really scrambled, and I’m crying my eyes out at the moment, due to being homesick out of the blue, and of course.. those freakin OHKO (Abbreviation for One-Hit KO. Fissure, Horn Drill, and Guillotine) moves in Gen 1 Pokémon… ;_; darn childhood fear) where I become really homesick as of lately, and it’s been making me very upset and causing HUGE anxiety. I’m really trying to get past this.. I really am, but it’s hard. Anyway…

These past few weeks have been really emotional and anxiety inducing. I just wanna thank Touré and Matt for helping me deal with this hard time, while at the same time, working on the ultimate plan for the 4 of us. With that said…

To Matt, my little brother: I don’t want you to worry about me, just cause I’ve been dealing with my anxiety all by myself as of lately. I’ve been dealing with it ever since I was a little kid, and now since I actually found other people who suffer from it (Including you) and is actually helping me cope and get through this destructive time (I call it destructive, cause at any moment, I can and will end up with a massive emotional breakdown, and trust me…, you do NOT want to be around me when that happens. If you can find a way to calm me down during that time (A hug or anything (That goes for you to, Nick and Touré!!)…, then by all means, do it). I just want to thank you for all of your help. Please bare with me as you continue to help, care, and support me, and as I do my hardest to recover and get out of my anxiety induced madness of my life. Just like you promise me that things will get better, here’s what I have to say to you: I know you’ve been dealing with a lot, but I promise you, it will get better.

October and November will be worth it.., we just gotta continue to hang on as much as we can. Love you little brother. I’ll continue to do my best to rest and take deep breaths for whenever I feel like anxiety is starting to get to me. It won’t be easy, but I will get and become better at it. I’ll always and will continue to help, care, and support you as well, cause you’re my baby brother, and just like with Touré and Nick, I’ll always be there for you.

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To Touré, my soulmate: Things will get better for the both of us. Continue to do your best at work, and your streaming, and you’ll get to your dreams in no time . Even though I’m dealing with the worst of it all (Anxiety included almost the past three weeks), I’m not gonna stop with the ultimate plan. This setback won’t stop me. I refuse to let it stop me, at all cost.

I’m slowly starting to get back to my old set, but it will take some months to fully get back there. Even after October and November, it might take me some months to get back to my old self, if not, an entirely different me. Just like with Matt and Nick, I won’t give up on them or you with becoming stronger.

We all got this, no matter what. We all gotta stick together through this horrid time, no matter what it takes. Even after that’s over, we’ll continue to look out for each other, cause you know why? We’re family. Love you babe… continue to stay strong.

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To Nick, my other little brother: I know you’re trying your hardest to get where you want to be, but you’ll get through this. The four of us will do so. Keep continuing to push through this hard time, and with your streaming, and I promise you (Just like I told Matt and Touré), things will get better. I’m starting to slowly dig my way out of my anxiety induced madness, and even though it’s hard right now to get out of it, I won’t stop until I have gotten myself out of it. I’ll get better within time… I promise. Love you little bro. Stay strong. I’ll do the same…

Not only for you, Touré, and Matt…,

…but for myself.

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Posted in Personal, Travel

Being Familiar In A New Suburb

Being in a new area (Whether it is a new city, suburb, state, country, or rural area) can really give you a culture shock. Me… I kinda got lucky, cause I know relatives that live in the area where I work at, so it’s not really a total loss. Getting familiar with new people can really stress you out at times.

This is only temporary, however. Once I move into a new city within the year, then it’ll be a culture shock syndrome for me.. kinda, if I have been in the area before.

The sad part about moving into a new area is that you’ll have to leave all of your friends behind, if they haven’t move to another area, at this point. It’s sad, and heartbreaking, but hey.. at least making new friends is fun, right? Maybe.. it depends on who you are, and what kind of interest you have. Still, it’s fun to get into new areas and explore the world around you, cause you only have one life. Why not use it to explore a different area, city, or perhaps a new state or country? It’s just.. fun. Go out, have fun with your new friends, and just enjoy life while you still can.

Posted in Events, Family, Fashion, Friends, Holiday, News, Photography, Relationships, Travel

Crazy 2018 Update: Deaths, Parades, and More

20180225_203736*A few weeks ago…  it was the best day of our lives, despite Matt having a family emergency. Also, this is one of a few times you see me without my glasses.*

20180128_190131*January was awesome and saddening. Despite the death of my grandfather, my little brother Matt and I (Along with our brothers, Josh and Steve) met X-Pac!! He was very cool!*

20180219_220115*During the weekend of Black Panther last month. Wakanda forever!*

20180224_155415*Touré and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary this summer. 3 years and going strong*

Okay, first off.. I just wanna say, happy 2018… well, kinda happy 2018.. for me, it is. Also, happy belated Chinese New Year (The year of the dog!). My little brother and I went to check out the festival in Chinatown (We’re going there more often!). I’m kinda excited about what 2018 has in store for me, my baby, and my brothers. At the same time, however… I really don’t wanna think about it. Without further ado, here’s what has been going on ever since my last blog post (Which has been a long time, so sorry for the very long update. Been extremely busy with work and other family matters, of course).

January: What started out as a very good month (With me, Josh, Matt, Lawrence, and Steve going to Duffy’s to see Royal Rumble and to meet X-Pac), turned out to become very tragic. On January 18th, I found out that my grandfather passed away, due to cardiac arrest. It was a shocking blow to the family. I tried to become strong (Mostly succeeded, but kinda stumbled back at times. Touré  and Matt (..and my family at my job and church) helped me get through it. Thanks guys!!), but hey… I done it. Also, this month has helped me become closer to my little brother, Matt. Our bond has been strong before, but now.. it’s becoming a lot stronger, and I’m grateful for it.

20180128_221744*Just little ol me. I decided to have my birthday party here, since Survivor Series will be on what else? My birthday. There’s gonna be a little surprise on that day as well. Stay tuned!*

20180128_180001*Lawrence, Steve, Josh, Matt, and I*

20180128_183600*Josh, Matt, and I*

20180128_221932*Steve, Matt, and Josh*

20180128_222102*One big sibling photo—ahh, photobomb, lol!!*

February: Last month was okay, except for the fact that the gang and I went to go see Black Panther! I also got to see Touré, Nick, and one of their brothers. It was fun! Also, it was one of the best months ever thus far.. Matt and I went to go to Chinatown for the Chinese New Year parade. Even though we missed the big parade, we actually caught a little treat during the after parade. Being part Chinese, this is the most exciting day that I always end up looking forward to.

20180219_214720*Wakanda forever!!*

20180219_215240*One of 3 favorite little brothers*

20180219_215033*Little brother*

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20180219_215924*People who seen the movie decided to take a pose to show their love to the movie.*

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20180225_171226*Matt and I in Chinatown. It was so awesome!*

20180225_163300*The people disguised as dragons go into shops as a symbol of good luck within the year.*

20180225_163324 *Dragon dance*

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20180225_163805*A shot of downtown*

20180225_164128*Gift shop*

20180225_172703*Heading out of Starbucks*

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20180225_173251*Lanterns. Also, the other side of Chinatown*

20180225_173319*We’re crazy, and we love it like that!*

20180225_173415*My outfit. In China, red symbolizes good luck.*

20180225_173439*Yea, we’re totally crazy when we feel like it. When we’re not acting crazy…*

20180225_173508*We’re just your average, awesome siblings (Not related by blood, however. I wish, so, but hey… close enough. Best day ever.*

March: Already this month has been nothing, but a mix of good and bad.., but mostly bad, so far. Good: I finally got my iPod Touch! Yea, my iPod Nano got defective again, so it was time for an upgrade. It is so awesome! Bad: I’m moving into a new suburb…, but it’s not the reason that I wanted. There has been a situation that happened today (Not gonna say, due to personal issues), so for now…, I’m temporary staying in said suburb. It won’t be long though… I’ll have my own space soon. Just gotta take things one step at a time…

One step at time. Just gotta keep my faith up, and keep on moving.

Posted in Events, Family, Food, Friends, Games, Personal, Photography, Relationships, Travel

Chapter 28: Weekend Bash

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Four days ago, I reached the next chapter in my life: Chapter 28. It was amazing, despite the weather being rainy and stressed out early in the day. Anyway, Saturday was my actual birthday, and to me… the most boring part was just to wait on a certain time to get my birthday dinner started (Touré being there made it less boring, but waiting for the time to pass by was just ever-so-boring!!).

Later in the afternoon, we gathered up with one of our brothers to Applebee’s. It was pretty good, but the really fun part started as soon as we left. We decided to meet up with the others at Galloping Ghost Arcade (Almost everyone didn’t show up until a little after 8, due to last minute changes).

20171118_181525I decided to go there for once, cause it was a time for a change.

20171118_182454They actually have 500+ games now, and the raised the entry fee price (Not by much, however).

20171118_182733My darling soulmate

20171118_182756My brother Darius and I

20171118_183032More classic games!!

20171118_185317They have the interactive games up and running now

20171118_185325Next time, I’ll try these games. They look pretty cool

20171118_191328Touré and I 🙂

20171118_191416Another shooter game.. I’m a huge fan of these games! I also played Deathsmiles, Nemesis, Gradius II and III.

20171118_202919This is a new game.. I can’t wait to play it next time I come here!

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20171118_211300I actually played this game. It was so fun.. they actually have it in 2D and 3D. I decided to go for 3D this time.. man, was it fun!

20171118_2142593D glasses

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20171118_211447Once Josh came, then the party started going crazy!! He and Touré were playing Pong.. or should I say, “Ghost Pong”!! *Thank you AVGN!!*

20171118_214122Josh and Darius playing Sailor Moon.. which I didn’t even know about it until I came round to see them play

20171118_222819The last part was a HUGE surprise: Not only did me and Touré’s sister Shirley came (One with the grey scarf, right next to me), but our other sister Stanesha (Behind me) and our brother Nick (Tallest one in the back) came as a surprise!! I was in tears (On the inside).. that made the surprise party so awesome!! I hope next year will be as awesome as this year!!

*Ahem* now onto the next day: The day after my birthday was just another usual day.. I went to church, got home, ate, and decided to wait until a few hours later to meet up with Josh and my other brother Matt for this awesome WWE Survivor Series bash in Chicago. Once we all met up, we decided to carpool and head to Lincoln Park to this bar and grill.

20171119_170138Hello Lake Shore Drive.. I’m back (Sadly not yesterday when I turned 28, but still.. I’ll accept it).

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20171119_172547Matt, Steve, Rachel, and Josh, and I

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20171119_183831If you’re wondering where we were having the party, it was at Duffy’s Bar and Grille. It was very awesome! I hope to go there again! If you ever get a chance to go to Lincoln Park, I highly recommend Duffy’s Bar and Grille. Side note: You’ll have to be 21+ to enter.

20171119_184411The food was really good!

20171119_193531Fu.. sion.. HA!! Lol DBZ reference.

Anyway, this weekend bash was just totally awesome.. better than last year’s (Although last year was pretty good as well). What will chapter 28 bring for me this and next year?

Well… we should see. For now, I’ll just enjoy it.. one day at a time.

Posted in Events, Friends, Relationships, Travel, Work

Transitioning Into A New Reality, Part Three: The Final Goodbye

“I have something to say to everyone: Today is my final day working here. I just want to thank you all for an amazing (Thinking: ..but horrible, stress-inducing, somewhat unbearable) 8 years of me working here. It was a hard decision, but the time has come for me to move on. All of ya are like family to me, and I appreciate all of ya have done. I will miss you all (Thinking: ..but I will def NOT miss working here. Thank freakin GOODNESS I am leaving here for good! Yes, yes, yes!!). *Tries to hold back tears* Thank you all, and don’t worry.. I will visit ya. I promise. Goodbye everyone (Thinking: ..and good freakin riddance to working here!!).. I love  and miss you all”.

Person 1: “Don’t go”!!

Person 2: “You’ll be deeply missed”.

Person 3: “Don’t cry, cause then you’re gonna make me cry”!

Person 4: “I’ll miss you. Good luck with your journeys and your new job. Promise you’ll visit us”?

Person 5: “Don’t go.. we need you to stay here with us”!!

Person 6: “We love and will miss you too”.

Me: “Now don’t ya cry.. ya gonna make me cry as well”!!

*Hugs and tears flow down many eyes*

These last two weeks has been very emotional. I dreaded this day, but at the same time, I felt…

Calm.

Like, I knew this day would come, but I was prepared for it… physically, somewhat mentally, but not emotionally. I will miss everyone working here.. including the new people. What I won’t miss though, is working here. The location? Eh… probably not, since it’s almost in the middle of nowhere. This is my final day working here, and so I say..

Goodbye, and good riddance. Goodbye Crete, and hello Shorewood. Goodbye everyone…

*Tearfully* I’ll miss you all.

Posted in Events, News, Personal, Work

Transitioning Into A New Reality, Part Two: Preparing My Final Two Weeks

“We hate to lose you”.

“I’ll/we’ll miss you”.

Those pharses are what possibly will haunt me throughout my final two weeks working at my first job. So many memories, hard work, sweat, and tears, put all into my eight years working there. Now… it’s all coming to an end.. an emotional, but most satisfying end that I ever had to go through for the very first time.

“I just wanna let you know.. that I just put in my final two weeks. I didn’t get the transfer, cause of *Insert reason here*. Sadly, working both here and the new job won’t be possible, cause they intercept with each other, and I’m not gonna quit my new job. I’m getting a lot of hours there, more than here. I just got a raise last week. Plus, I love where I work at. I’m not giving that up. So with that said… My final day will be *Insert date here*. I will miss you, but don’t worry.. I’ll visit”. I told two of my coworkers, in secret. Thankfully, they both understood, and told me how unfair it was that I had to go through all of that, just for, well…

Nothing.

There was nothing I could do last week. It was one way or the other, and I chose the other, yet better route.. which was to work the other job, and to give up  two of my four of my days to someone else (I had to call off the first two days, cause I couldn’t find anyone to take them. I had no other choice). I now know how everyone else feels when working here, and why most people quit this job. I’m really hoping my big brother gets a chance to leave out here before the holiday season comes, or at least.. before 2017 ends.

Now it is time for me to say goodbye to my coworkers, supervisors, and managers (More like family) that I worked within the final two weeks of working here.

Stay tuned to the final part of this emotional reality that I’m transitioning through. It’s kinda stressful, but I’m making it through.. somehow.

Posted in Business, Events, Personal, Travel, Work

Transitioning Into A New Reality, Part One: Letting Go Is Hard To Do

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Where have I been for the past few to several weeks? Well, here’s what has been going on:

1. I’ve gotten a new job (Yay me.. after 3 years of job searching, it finally paid off!! Thank you Jesus!!) 3 weeks ago, and so far, I am LOVING IT. Also, I got baptized on the same day that I got hired. It was a good day.

2. Trying to juggle between two jobs (Yes, I’m still at my current job, but that will actually change. More on that in a few moments).. it’s kinda hard, but so far, I have been doing a great job of it.

3. Church, and spending time with my soulmate. We’re getting ready to do Scrooge the Musical again, so it’s gonna get even more busy for me.

4. Family stuff, as always.

Finally, 5. More traveling to and from both jobs.  More on that in a little bit.

So yes, recently I’ve gotten a new job at Starbucks (Finally.. got my new job).. well, not directly in Starbucks, but in Starbucks.. inside of Target. Here are the up and downsides to this new change:

Upsides:

  • So far, I’m loving it.. I get to create, try, and make drinks!! My new coworkers and managers are awesome!! They’re like family here.
  • I get to hand out stickers to children (They love it when I actually do that)!
  • I get paid more than my first job (..and I got a raise last week too!)
  • It’s in a very nice and safe neighborhood, near other food places, Walmart, and more. I’m actually familiar with the area, cause I know relatives that live at and nearby there, so if I have to work in the morning, I can stay with them, and save gas.
  • I don’t have to leave my job to get food for lunch and stuff, cause there’s a Pizza Hut right next to where I work! Score!!
  • More hours to work than my other job… almost to a full time job, mostly, and overtime.. this is mostly perfect!
  • I get to wear my graphic shirts (As long as they’re mostly red.. any type of red, actually, if I’m on the registers) and any types of shoes (As long as they’re closed-toed). Since my main responsibility is at Starbucks, I have to wear black (Which I don’t mind at all, cause I have to wear black at my church. Plus, I mostly have black shirts to wear, which means.. I don’t have to shop for work clothes.. except for red shirts and khaki pants, which I got that out of the way). This is.. perfect! Now I don’t have to worry about wearing dress shoes everyday!!

Downsides:

  • I gotta commute 45 mins-1 hr (Depending on traffic) to and from work, since I now work near west (Compared to 15 mins to and from my other job). To me, it’s not all that bad, but that will all change once I move near my new job (Hopefully within the next year or so).
  • Along with the time I gotta travel to and from, I now have to pay for gas every few days (Depending on how many days I have to work). It’s gonna get annoying overtime, but once I move near my job, I won’t have to worry bout it so much.
  • Juggling between two jobs for right now… yea, it’s kinda not so bad, but considering the hours that I gotta go to and from both jobs (1+ hour each), it’ll only be temporary, until I can transfer to the one near my other job (8 mins to and from)… right?

Nope. As of a few days ago, I just found out that my transfer request has been canceled, which sucks balls. I was hoping that I could continue to work both jobs, until I get my first review, but… sadly, it’s not gonna work, as my other job intercepts with my new job.

Sadly, I’m gonna have to quit my first job and work my new job.. which I don’t mind at all, actually.. thinking it long and hard recently. I wish things could’ve worked out for the better, but… in the end, I have to do what’s best for me, and the best thing to do.. is to let the other job go. I hate to do it, I really do…, but as the saying goes: Breaking up (..or in this case, letting go) is hard to do. It’s better this way.

Stay tuned to part two, and see what happens next when I give out my first resignation letter to my first job.

Posted in Food, Friends, Personal, Photography, Travel

To Chinatown, and Beyond!

I really want to go to Chinatown again, and this time.. explore more of it with friends! The place is beyond amazing! Before I jump ahead to it, here’s what happened before the trip to Chinatown took place:

20170903_142824Today, my childhood friend Crystal and I decided to head to Chicago to attend the City Church of Chicago. The last service started at 5, but since we got there hours early, we decided to go to Whole Foods Market to try out a few foods. We first went to the one downtown, and tried some Mochi (Japanese ice cream). I gotta admit, it tasted weird at first (She also said the same thing as well), but it was very good! I had chocolate, she had red bean.

20170903_150318Afterwards, we decided to go to another Whole Foods Market, this time.. in Lincoln Park (Shown above). This one has an arcade, and a bar!

20170903_150536Sweets, sweets, and more sweets.. they’re expensive, but hey.. they’re good!

20170903_150547Macaroons! We never have them before, but they are indeed good. Crystal had the raspberry flavor, and I had espresso (It was right next to the raspberry macaroon.. and I didn’t know about it! Surprisingly though, it didn’t taste like coffee. It tastes like chocolate).

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20170903_151555Wine corks

20170903_151749I LOVE Mochi!

20170903_154029This is the arcade. They have classic games from Galaga to Dig Dug, and modern games from Street Fighter to Metal Slug (They have Metal Slug 1-6 here, yay)!

20170903_154155I wanted to play Metal Slug 3, but I accidently chose Metal Slug 4. Still… it was fun to play!

20170903_154956Crystal and I. We had a blast at the store! Next stop: Chinatown.

20170903_161514Chinatown

20170903_161607I seriously know where I want to go for my birthday this year! They have a karaoke bar here!!

20170903_161952One part of Chinatown. It is amazing here!

20170903_162753I really, really, SERIOUSLY LOVE and WANT these dresses!! There’s a clothing place there that has more of these dresses! When I have the money, I’ll buy one!

20170903_163028This is the store that had the dresses.. and other stuff, like books and such. We also went to a candy store before heading to evening church. Church was pretty cool.

Anyway, I can’t wait to go to Chinatown again! Hopefully before my birthday, so I can get a dress for my birthday outfit.. and again, for my 28th birthday.

Posted in Business, Events, Family, Food, Friends, Music, Personal, Photography, Travel

Morris Ceurrlo Conference

20170901_172130*Me, waiting for the other choir members to get on board*

Yesterday and last night was just wonderful! The choir and I went to see Morris Ceurrlo and other special guest from different countries and cities speak live at his conference in Rosemont. Let’s just say that I couldn’t wait to go to Rosemont again! I haven’t been there in a few years! I also can’t wait to go there next year with my babe and brothers!

20170901_171608So I went to the church with my childhood friend (We were actually early, cause we got there at bout 4:30-4:45. The bus didn’t come until bout 5:15-ish. Once it came, we all got on board. The bus was just amazing! These are the seats, by the way. So luxurious!

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20170901_171727They have tables and seat belts! 😀

20170901_172002Miss Sheryl  actually wanted all of us to check out the menu from Giordano’s after we leave the conference. I never had it before, but it was kinda expensive.

20170901_172229Crystal and I. We’ve been friends since grade school. 🙂

Anyway, as soon as everyone got on board, we were off. Destination: Rosemont is a GO! 😀

20170901_183340While we were on the road, we decided to warm up and prepare for the conference by singing a few songs (Yea, we were singing there. It was unbelievable.. almost EVERYONE there stood up when we sang Lord You’re Holy and What A Beautiful Name. A few were on their knees, praising Jesus and just crying. It was wonderful).

20170901_183751Lol funny board ad.

20170901_184106You know you are close to the airport when you see the airplanes flying a short while after they took off. This was near O’Hare Airport, by the way.

20170901_184234If you’re traveling to Illinois, I recommend going to Rosemont.. it’s a nice place, and there’s TONS of hotels and restaurants here.

20170901_184321DoubleTree and Crowne Plaza hotel

20170901_184523We made it to our destination: The Hyatt Regency O’Hare hotel.  I actually stayed in there before for ACEN (Anime Convention) a few years ago. It is a very nice hotel.

20170901_185516Conference schedule and special guest speakers. Our pastor, Steve Munsey, was one of the guest speakers.

20170901_185716Before the choir got on stage to sing, we decided to look around and check out some stuff.

20170901_193853After our performance, we took a peek at some stuff, from Israel, and other countries.

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20170901_194135“Jesus, you are great. You do miracles. So great”.

20170901_194927We actually had a chance to hear Morris Ceurrlo and one of the speakers, John Francis, speak. It was a wonderful experience.

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20170901_214158After we left, we went to Giordano’s.

20170901_214621We sat on the balcony, but it was chilly. Sadly, we didn’t stay long, and decided to head someplace else to eat.

20170901_220118We stopped at a ton of restaurants. Some went to Culver’s, others went to Steak and Shake. Raquel, Ebony, Shani, Crystal, and I decided to try this pizza place called Little Angelo’s. The food was great! I highly recommend trying their food out, especially the pizza! A few of the youth praisers went there as well, so it was indeed fun!

20170901_225415After we ate , we went to Cold Stone Creamery. Being my very first time here, their ice cream is yummy, but kinda expensive.

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20170901_225546I had this: Confetti Cupcake ice cream. It was too yummy!

20170901_230147Last picture: Me and the girls before we went back to the bus to head home. I had a blast with them!

After we had our fill with food and ice cream, the choir and I went back home. We didn’t leave Rosemont until close to 11:15-11:30-ish. Everyone was tuckered out. Most of them went to sleep on the way back. I gotta admit, the ride back home was soothing. I almost dozed off a few times. Raquel, Ebony, Shani, Crystal, and I didn’t get back home until close to 12:30-12:45. All in all, I had a blast. The conference was wonderful, and the trip was amazing!

What an amazing day to start off September.