Changes are made every single day. Sometimes, pain will make us change, either for the good or bad. In my case, change is making me VERY unstable, mentally AND emotionally! Ever since I broke up with my recent ex last year (we still talk from time to time), the aftermath of it made me very unstable. First off, I never realize that being single will make me even more depressed and make me have suicidal thoughts! Second, I never would’ve thought that I would be changing my life and my ways for the better.. oh wait, that’s a combination of a painful change, breakup, and having the past come back to haunt you. Well, it’s 2015, and how am I doing since the breakup?
…but I am holding myself together.
Lately, I’ve been talking to Lawrence about this list that I made last year (that he told me to make as part of improving myself), and he told me that I’ve been doing well with improving myself and with the changes that I made to myself. So far, I’m not seeing it, but since I’ve been mentally and emotionally unstable (My depression has slowed down a lot, and I’ve been less depressed ever since late November. Now I’m going through an ‘unstable’ change, so to speak), I guess I won’t be able to tell until this improving-myself-change is over with.
Now, since I got that out of the way, lemme talk about another thing that really makes me uncomfortable AND even more unstable (..and makes me very upset as well): Coming out of my comfort zone.
Along with change, another thing that a person must overcome is his/her comfort zone. What I mean by that is this: We all don’t wanna change.. we like things to stay the same, right? Well sadly, just like the world, just like humans, everything must change whether we like it or not. In order to change, in order to try new things, we must come out of our comfort zone. Like change, it can be very hard and painful to overcome, depending on what you’re trying out for once, good or bad (Hopefully it’s good). Once you step out of it, then give yourself a pat on the back (If it’s good), cause you have overcome your comfort zone. I know I said it lots of times, but please, bear with me.
The only reason why I’m talking about it (and of course, I had to talk about it sooner or later), is cause this Sunday, I’m gonna be doing the exact same thing.. and so far, it’s– like I said– making me very uncomfortable, upset, and unstable.
How? Cause I’m going to Chicago this Sunday afternoon, but I’m not gonna take the train there. Noo.. I’m driving there with a few of my friends, and I won’t be back til 11 at night. Reason is that I’m going to see WWE Royal Rumble at this restaurant, and I’m going to be meeting a former WWE superstar there. Sounds fun right? Well here’s why I’m not excited about it:
1. I have never drove to Chicago at night (Since it’s still winter, 4 p.m. is considered evening until DST comes), before, and therefore, I don’t know how the traffic is during that time.
2. My family told me not to take my car into the city, ever.. so since I’m gonna be driving to Chicago without them knowing (Some things you cannot tell your parent(s) or family members, ever), it’s making me very upset and uncomfortable, thus triggering my comfort zone level.
3. Speaking of comfort zone, this is the exact reason why I’m not too excited about it: It’s making me come out of my comfort zone, and that comfort zone is sticking to the family and my Mum’s rules. Since I’m still living with my Mum, it’s making me come out of my comfort zone, which means.. I’m freaking out!!
However, the only reason why I’m going are 3 things: 1. My brother Josh invited me to go, and Lawrence really want me to come too (Cause it won’t be much fun without me, eh). 2. It’s (The restaurant that we’re going to) located on the north side of Chicago. Lawrence did tell me that it will be a good idea to scope out the north side, just in case we decide to move there. Since I always wanted to move up north, that really made me decide to go. 3. It’s not everyday that you get to go see a famous person. Also, I freakin love going to Chicago at night (Downtown I might add, but going to the north side for the very first time might be interesting.. who knows I might get to see the skyline if I’m lucky, or I might be in the heart of the skyline), so this will give me a chance to do some photography there.
Okay, I feel sorta better about this whole situation, but I’m still tense cause idk what’s gonna happen by that time, and for the last time, it’s gonna involve stepping out of my comfort zone for the very first time. We’ll see what happens on Sunday.