Day 4: My body feels numb deep inside. I have never felt this numb, ever since Lawrence told me the truth about my fatal mistakes about how much I hurt him in our relationship. I don’t feel any pain anymore. Being single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I hate being single. I really do. I want to be in a relationship again, but I have to wait.
Overtime, I will be independent, and I will learn from my mistakes, and by then, I should be ready to be in a relationship.., but I know who I want to be with. In the meantime, I will start improving my life by getting over my past, improving my mistakes, and start learning how to be independent.
Basically, I can put my life right now as of this: I don’t care about anything anymore. I really don’t. I can’t cry anymore tears, I can’t break down anymore. My body won’t let me break down and cry anymore. It leaves a painful feeling in your body and soul. The worse (and possibly the best) part about the whole thing is that you soon realize that you have to start over with your life, learning from your mistakes and getting over your mistakes. That’s how I feel. Thankfully for me, I have my brothers and sisters (And a few of my friends) who are helping me cope through this whole ordeal. Lawrence is helping me cope with it as well. As for Erik, he’s taking this in stride too.., but he, too, is helping me with it too. Of course, we’re friends.. we’re starting over as friends.
Still… I hate being single. I don’t really care about my life anymore, and I feel like my life is ruined, cause of this whole breakup and whatnot. Whatever happens, happens. As far as my past goes, if I want to become the best girlfriend that Lawrence has ever had (I was his first true love as well, so I want that to happen again, and I’m not gonna make the same mistakes that I did in the past ever again), I’m gonna conquer my past and my mistakes, and get rid of em. I’m gonna gain his trust and I’m not gonna break it this time. I’m serious about it. I want to be his one and only.. and for a very long time.
My past and mistakes will haunt me no more. I’m gonna grow up now and it all starts with myself.