Posted in Family, Personal, Relationships, School, Travel

I’m Scared to Change

Last night I had a vision that Erik and I did move to Atlanta, but we couldn’t find jobs. So I ended up moving back to Chicago.., but I suddenly grew bored of it. Very bored. Of course I had fun seeing the Chicago Skyline.., but it wasn’t what I expected as the years grew by. So in the end, I moved back to Georgia. I made a few friends, and I suddenly had a nursing job there. As far as me and Erik? We actually separated for a while, but we got back together, and actually got married and had a child together.

Change is very scary, and I never thought that I would actually experience this much of a change. When I was younger, I almost had to move to another city, and I almost had my ex move to another city when we were in still in high school. I had my old middle school friend move to Atlanta when we graduated from high school.

When I move, I know I’m leaving all of my friends behind, but a few of my friends are gonna move as well. My ex for example, is gonna move to either California or Las Vegas within a year or two. My coworker is gonna move to California this year or next year. My twin might be moving to either Alabama to her family or New York to pursue her dreams.

How long must I suffer from this?

How long must I let things like this stop me from doing what I love?

I need to change, but the problem is that I’m scared to change. I never dealt with this type of change before in my life so far. I have never moved before, except once, but that was only moving to another apartment complex when I was a kid. Ever since then, I have always been afraid to move, only cause I would lose the friends that I known for so long. I know that I need to stop being afraid of change, and know that my friends will be there for me no matter what, but I’m not sure if I can actually just let go and move on.., especially starting a new life with my boyfriend.

..but between not gonna be able to find a job here in Illinois (Especially in nursing, where you must have a BSN to be considered for a nursing job, let alone for an internship or at least an interview for that matter) once I have my Associate’s degree in nursing next year, and having a nagging parent who don’t trust me for even going anywhere with the car (Unless she approves it or unless I have to work, but even then she might not let me drive to work, cause she’s that paranoid that the car might break down on the road, all cause of the engine light coming on), only cause the car’s not doing well right now, plus on the fact that she makes me miserable, makes me want to move out so bad.

So what’s stopping me from moving out and making that change? How bout not having my own car, a higher paying job (Or two, perhaps), or the fact that I need to be debt free and have a good credit score to even be approved of having my own apartment without a co-signer?? Until those are done and over with, I’m basically stuck. Until then, I’m basically gonna lose my mind until something good comes my way!!

I’m trying to take things one day at a time, but it’s not working. What’s left to do? Give up, of course. I’m gonna try to apply for school next week. I was gonna do it Friday, but until the car situation between my Mum and I get resolved, it’s not gonna happen. I’ll do it next week.

I shouldn’t be afraid to change, but I am. Either way it goes, Erik and I are gonna be moving to Georgia, but for now, change is gonna be my biggest fear, and I have no choice but to make those changes in my life. However, I’m gonna have to start making it…

All by myself.



I'm just a photographer, nerd, gamer, rebel, and fashionista who speaks in 6 and sings in 11 different languages.

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